Job Ad Humors

“PROFIT-SHARING PLAN:”
Once it’s shared between the higher-ups, there won’t be a profit.

“COMPETITIVE SALARY:”
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:”
We have no time to train you; you’ll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.

“SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:”
We’re not going to supply you with leads; there’s no base salary; you’ll wait 30 days for your first commission check.

“SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:
“…who still live with their parents and won’t mind our internship-level salaries.

“CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:”
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

“COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:”
We have a lot of turnover.